When it rains it pours and I kid you not, I couldn't make this up if I tried.


Since my last blogging moment... I was leaving yesterday to get to Amanda's house before dark. My eyes are getting old and I don't enjoy driving in the dark or all night like I use to. So, after a bit of a reality check, I decided to leave yesterday, daylight instead of my initial middle of the night escape lol. As I was packing the last bag into the car (my very large purse), I felt my phone buzzing. Then it buzzed again. And yet again. OMG REALLY, is all I could think! After a missed called from my Auntie and my sister, I quickly realized it must be about my dear grandma (83.5 yrs old) who just got home from the hospital herself with Congestive Heart Failure. Called my aunt. Nope not grandma. Call your sister on her cell. OKAY...must be about my sister who is sitting in jail right now. Nope...and I NEVER saw it coming!! My sister tells me that "daddy is dead." All I could do is cry. I got out of the car and went into the house and cried. What else could I do?


I hate making decisions when I'm under such anxiety, such stress. I'm on my way to Amandas first chemo appointment and its cold as heck, I'm stressed enough and now I have to cry my way to Iowa. So, maybe I shouldn't go. Maybe I need to stay home and let my husband be of some comfort to me. How hard can this decision really be? Well, it was really stinking difficult since I hadn't had much sleep and now I feel like I can't cope with reality. I cried on and off for the first 1/2 of the trip until I finally erupted in tears and had to pull off to the side of the interstate. I finally pulled into a rest area and sat there for 1/2 hr crying and trying to make sense of everything.  HOW MUCH more can I take? I'm trying to be there for everyone. I'm trying to be a rock for anyone who needs me and yet all this crap just keeps piling up and I just keep taking it and dealing with it. HOW MUCH more can I take?


I made the decision, after much prayer and talking to Jacob and my preachers wife to continue on my journey. What would I do at home besides cry and listen to the TV and cry or lay in bed and cry...I decided after my Katherine told me too that Amanda still needed me and she was expecting me. Ummm yea, wake up and smell the roses! I've got a daughter who needs me. What good am I to my dad now?


It was a tad hard to see my child with the tubing all hooked up to her chest, prep work for chemo the next day. But, we enjoyed a tad bit of time shopping and then a nice meal at Applebees. It has been so nice to see her smiling and carrying on thru this. It makes me so proud!


After spending the night crying and trying to cope with everything, Katherine and I were up early and met Amanda for her first round. Ding ding ding. Round 1 :)


I think we were all doing fine and then, it begins to hit Amanda and she starts to well up with tears. This is when I knew it was going to get harder for me and I was waiting for Katherine to follow suit (because it still hasn't hit her). And then, the nurse calls her name and tells her she has to pee in a cup and just like that, the tears are gone and she's back to her game face. Phew, I dodged a bullet on that one, for now.


I almost lost it again when I hear over the speaker, her name being called into the chemo area. But, it's my turn to have a game face on. This keeps me from dealing with my other issues at hand ya know.


When we get to her room, she begins to pull out all this crap form a large purse I gave her. She has packed her pantry into this bag and 1/2 of her wardrobe too! Out comes a pair of socks, gloves, a scarf or TWO, a bag of chips, a GLASS jar of queso cheese/salsa, a granola bar of sorts and last but not least I began to laugh even harder as she drops and sub sandwich onto the table beside her! I am laughing so hard and all she wants to tell me is "hey, they told me to bring snacks. SO I DID!" Hahaha omg what a moment to save! Then the nurse comes in to start her meds. Fours meds in the IV to begin with, all for anti nausea. One includes Benadryl. Instead of falling asleep, this Ginger of mine begins to say the funniest crap. "OMG my eyeballs are seriously fluttering. Ummm ooops yep, I don't think I can feel my eyeballs. OMG no, I definitely cannot feel my eyes." The nurse is having such a time with this one lol. I don't like that when she gets her meds running thru that she can taste them. She tries to suck on a peppermint but that doesn't provide much relief but soon she is back to chowing on chips and cheese sauce anyways!


I had to leave early and get home due to a blizzard coming thru. I hated to have to leave her!! Not the plan I had in mind, at all!


What did we learn by bed time tonight? She cannot touch anything cold! If she does, she will feel tacks going thru her body and says it lasted about 30 minutes and it was very painful. She slept from the time I left today until I finally woke her up at 9 or so tonight to make her eat and drink something. Lena needs to be gone on day one FOR SURE! There is no way she can chase or provide for that little one on the first day. No worries tho, we have it covered :)


Tomorrow, may be harder on her than today was. The nausea starts around day 3. I totally dislike being so far away.


Until next time, thank you to all who have or are taking the time to read my ramblings. I have to have somewhere to vent, even if there are no responses or what have ya. God Bless you all for your support of me, Amanda and the entire family. No young lady should have to go thru this!
Good night and God Bless!