I finally took the time and money yesterday to get my hair trimmed. It was looking like a Chia Pet gone wrong but I feel like if I take money we don't have just so I can get a haircut then I just carry this guilty feeling around because maybe one of the kids needs clothes or SOMETHING. Anywho, I'm talking to my hairdresser who is also a family member, on the hubbys side and I've realized since Amandas diagnosis, a few things...


Have you known a friend who has been sick or passed away due to cancer, any kind of cancer? Yea, most likely, I know. Me also. What do we do? We pray and send kind words, offer a shoulder or an ear. Then what? WE move on with our lives, carry on shopping, we can feel bad, shed a tear etc but we still move along...Feel me? We are human, we have compassion, we feel guilt, of course. Now, imagine that its your child! There is NO comparison between and friend, your doctor, a favorite teacher and then you find out it's your child. My daughter, who I carried for a VERY long HOT summer. This child kicked the bejeezus out of my insides. She made me eat everything in sight so she was born healthy. She grew and stretched out my stomach and ruined my girly figure, my stick figure. She puked up everything she was given for her first 4 months or so. This fiery red head could not even wear a coat in the car because she would sweat profusely and she was asleep in the car before we even left the driveway (she still does that and I have the pics to prove it!) She cut her bangs in 2nd (?) grade and tried to hide them hahaha. When I confronted her about the "missing" hair this is the story I got (she sure thought it through, beware)..."well, the teacher was reading a book and I was holding a pair of scissors and I must have fell asleep and the scissors went snip. I woke up and there was my hair laying there. Can you take me to the beautician so they can fix it?" HA, I told you it was good! There was the time she came out of the bathroom with mascara on and it was so funny that I had to sarcastically ask "what's on your eyes honey?" Of course she had this figured out, this girl is QUICK! She was in total shock! I thought she was going to pass out because when she looked in the mirror, she too saw mascara on her eyes and just could not figure out how in the hell that happened! It was a dang miracle I'm telling ya! Her response of "OMG how did that get there?" was classic. I have so many stories of this baby but the most heart wrenching is the one that changes now every day. My baby girl is walking around with cancer and there is no funny story yet for this. This isn't just my friend, my neighbor, a favorite teacher with cancer. This is my daughter, the one who yelled at me for always being right about her choice of friends, the one who always ate peanut butter in her room then left the spoon sit on the carpet until I found it myself! I have felt sorry for many people who have relatives and friends with cancer, I have had patients with cancer...just when I think I know what their families must be going thru, I DON'T! I NEVER HAD A CLUE! I am so sorry! I am so sorry for ever feeling like I had ANY clue what you must be going through with your child or relative or whatever and dealing with cancer. Now though, I get it. I don't want to get it or understand it but I do. Now I can honestly say, I know what you're going through, I know how you feel. I kind of feel like I can be of some support now.


I have so many wonderful friends and family. I have to say that, within the last few weeks, Amanda and I have "met" some amazing people on Facebook. We may never officially meet a bunch of them but they have been a huge support to us. BRENDA! I won't give out all your info but you have been amazing! Brenda is a single mom and has terminal cancer. She has answered and given Amanda and myself ALOT of tips on what to expect or things we should stock her up on etc. We have friends in Italy, Australia, the UK and ALL over the place offering up prayers and such. I have Angels appearing from out of nowhere offering to send  warm socks or scarves. I know that God is working in and through a TON of people right now. The outpouring of love and support did not just happen! This is God telling me that although we are struggling and coming to grips with this he will be by our side and has sent Angels from all over the world to help us through it.


The newest update as I close for tonight... Amandas first chemo is January 8th and she plans on rocking right through it. I hope to be there for this "milestone" of sorts, God willing.


Thank you all for your support! (I think I just rambled right thru this post.) So much to say :(